Happiness is who I have am NOW

03/11/2016

Enjoy the view

I am looking at my none existent facebook profile and baaam, I used to have a blog, one I have not visited in a long time. I am browsing through it and I realise how far I have come.

Grace. Qaqamba Grace Xaki, now a 30 year old woman has come such a long way.

From my 2013 post about my year I have grown in ways that scare me.

Here are 5 things that you should know about me as a 30 year old woman:

1. I am enough.
I used to want to get approval from people to confirm if I was beautiful enough or if I was worth it or not. I can stand with my head high and say at the age I am at, I am enough, nothing is missing, I am who I am because all of me means everything to me and it is enough to make this strong black child of God that is blessed beyond measure and is living life as though she has done it before, diligently and proudly. As arrogant as it may sound, I am proud of the woman I am, inside and out. My achievements are awesome for me and I am happy with that. If it is enough for me about me, then it is enough because my God, Jehovah has my back.

2. Money is just a thing.
I used to believe that if I saved enough and had enough money I would be able to do as I please, however, I have realised that with or without money, if your mind is on something then you will do it, you can actually make it happen no matter how poor or rich you may be, you just need the drive. I would rather be at a happy place than the richest place in my life.

3. Happiness is everything.
At 30 years old I can say I have tasted happiness, everything I have ever wanted in life I have received. I have everything I want and need. I know that as I grow older, things will change, my parents will grow older and get sickly, I will also change physically and not be so independent, and the economy will change and times may be tough at times however I am sure that I have everything I need to survive any trial I may face. The man upstairs is the answer to everything and he will not allow it to happen if you cannot handle it. I accept and deal with it and that keeps me happy.

4. Gratitude is my middle name.
I count my blessings. I have so much more to be happy about and less to complain about. I have taught my mind to see good in everything. I try to be ungrateful sometimes but it is just too overwhelming for me to ignore, the blessings upon me make me super grateful because I am aware that I have what most people pray for. I am not rich, I am not be well travelled, the most educated nor am I the prettiest woman alive but I am happy and healthy and I have a loving and caring circle of friends and a family that means the world to me. I have no reason to complain but to just be grateful and share.

5. I impart my skills and knowledge
I have always been passionate about changing lives. I am in a position in my life where I can change lives. I speak to people with purpose, I plant ideas in people's heads that make them think yes I can do it. The thrill of seeing someone be a better person and touching another live makes me feel whole. I love teaching and the fact that I can teach and actually be listened to is everything to me. It pushes me to learn more, read more, travel more, learn from people who have made it before me so I can teach. I have so much more to do and teach and that is the reason I wake up so I can impart my knowledge and teach those that will teach in the near future as well.

Enjoy the breeze

All in all I can confidently say, the mind is the most powerful tool that one has. Your environment may try to affect you but if your mind is well equipped, the surrounding factors will not will. Equip your mind with the right tools and watch as you hear what the man upstairs is saying to you and watch as you bloom where you are planted and became this beautiful flower that everyone envies. Touch lives and impart knowledge as that will build the knowledge of others and later t
he the world.

That sums up the last 2 years of my life.

Have a ball and laugh at yourself, life is to be lived and enjoyed. We were not born to exist.

The love I have for people grows everyday, and that includes you too :)

I recently read a blog from a radio dj and I though I should share :)

Keeping it New…

Everything that’s new becomes stale and every boring thing, eventually, becomes interesting again. Fashion does this very well, they keep recycling and we keep falling for it. But what we never seem to learn is that there is a trend here, that we all must follow. Chris Rock said it best; keep recycling the old into the new because “If it ain’t new it is through”

Our mothers knew the trick to keep things new. Her man became a project, she ensured he is very neat before he leaves the house; somehow she knew they would desire him and consequently paying her a compliment. And he did the same by making sure she had everything she wanted, through that she became the envy of others thus earning him admiration.

Her house is the extension of her personality. If she looked flawless, so was her house. The wife is the reflection of his personality too. If he looked well put together, the wife must be exquisite. 

Hence these days I don’t get it when I see a woman that looks like she just stepped out of a Vogue magazine shoot, but her car is messy like a dumpsite. I don’t get that. I do not even want to see where she sleeps.

I equally do not get it when a man is more smartly dressed than his woman. Who is a reflection of whom here?

How do you let your man to leave the house looking like that? And still call him yours?

How do you allow yourself, as a man to dress expensively and yet your woman looks like she buys from the flea market, and still call her yours? Moreover you claim you love them.

If you love someone you make sure they are more than what you are. 

If you respect yourself you love them enough to be the better image of you.

You want a diamond, instead of wishing him to be like someone else, polish him.

Profound, don't you think?

2013, what a year it was for Her

AN eventful year it was hey, don't you feel like it was one of the most shortest year with so many lessons to teach us?

Just a quick run down of the events that made this year a stand out year for me:

January:
Started the year with big hopes of better days throughout the year, welcomed a new member of the family, my sister-in-law :).
I gave up on a person I loved. We went our separate ways, one of the worst break ups I've ever had to deal with. I believe I really loved him. I still get sad when I think of it.
I met a lady that had prayed for someone to teach her the truth and we invited her to the meetings and the following day she was at the meetings and she was going strong.

February:
My aunt gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, the most beautiful thing I had seen for a very long time. He brought so much joy to the whole family.
Went back full force to the RBC

March:
My brother turned 29, I turned 27, we be feeling old right now.
Met a few nice guys as potential substitutes for the guy.
Pioneered till May through the memorial months.
I decided I was applying to go to do RBC full time, was gonna work hard and pay off some debts and go, was soo excited.

April:
Daddy turning 50, he be feeling so old,
My spiritual family always excellent, helped out a broken soul without them knowing
Had chilling sessions with the girls and they really helped me feel and make wise decisions.
My new bible that I had met in January couldn't study any more because she made wrong moves in her life.

May:
A friend was disfellowshipped, tjo I was shocked and surprised. I am very trusting and I was soo sad.
The guy came back as I was getting to know the new person I met, he wants me back. I had to follow my mind and not my heart and say NO!

June, July, August:
Preparations for the special Zulu convention, an awesome time we had leading to it and the actual event was a success, the most beautiful event I can remember. Met people that changed me. I realised I could do so much more with my time.
I realised the person I met was not as serious spiritually as I want the people I associate with should be.
Met soo many people I didn't know, was at a happy place.
I prayed for more bible studies and I was blessed with 5 more studies.

September:
My sister turning 25 and feeling oldish as well.
Attended so many builds by now I had lost count.
27 September 2013, 1st day of the Xhosa Convention, an awesome program we had. On our way back we were involved in a car accident and as a result my car was written off. I was shuttered, I need a car to do what I do (build, bible studies, transport people from and to the meetings),  the devel was really trying to destruct me.

Oct and November:
My younger sister (22) and mom (50) feeling like real old people.
My life was consumed by fighting with the person I was in an accident with, my insurance, his insurance and finding another car.
I finally found a car and it meant giving up a few things for some time till I settle the car.
I was back full force, conducting and doing what I love.

December:
I am over everything bad that happened this month and I am happy to kick start the new journey and goals that I will be working on in the coming year. I want to go to the beach and just relax over the holidays and just come back relaxed.

Lesson learn't: People come and Go, friends come and go but the people that love you will always be there. Family first over everyone else, esp if they believe in what you believe in. Jehovah will never allow anything that you can not handle happen to you. Just focus and look up to him for solutions and everything works out in the end.

2013 taught me that I can let go and not die, people will leave and you cannot do anything to stop them, begging them to stay won't make it right, just let them go. I've had people I know die, but not to this degree, people die and I learn't to let go and believe in the hope that I have that they will be resurrected.

Life is good if you trust Jehovah.

My Diary in my life of sin

Hi All,

It has been a while since I visited this side of town. I am here and I will post.

Today I want to talk about my diary.

I talk to my diary everyday, I confide in my diary, my diary knows me better than anyone else out there in the world.

It has been a very jolly, bumpy, strange, painful, joyous and emotional 27 years. My diary has been there to witness and listen to me through out the years.

I am a very strange person, I am complicated, I deal with emotions in the most awkward way.

I get angry, very angry but I cannot allow the next person to see how angry I am because I feel they will know which buttons to press. 

I look at life differently, I do not believe in the saying life is too short, I believe that life is a gift, but not a guarantee, hence we thank God for everyday. 

I hate a lot of things, but none of them would make me hate anyone in this world yet.

I believe that I am unique, just one of a kind, not a special species. 

I am scared of loosing the people I love in death, I believe I will die first :(.

My diary listens, it listens attentively.

I have learnt that from my diary, to listen, listen attentively.

I love unconditionally.

I get hurt big time, from small things mostly, but I have learnt to smile either way.

I am a ticking time bomb, I will let it all out one day in a song :)

I will sing the song to my diary

I miss my diary everyday when I am away from it.

I have only met one person in my whole life that reminds me of my diary, I will always treasure them :)

My diary, my life, my soul is yearning for you right now.

I will cry everyday if I ever lost you.

My diary is my bible :)

And that is the bible truth.

And I hate that I love you

"Hate That I Love You"
That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? ( No )


But you won't let me
You upset me boy
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong


But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you


And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so


You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh


Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right


And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

That's how much I love you (as much as I need you)
That's how much I need you
That's how much I love you
As much as I need you

And I hate that I love you so
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. so...

Welcome to my blog, YEAH BABY

I am an open minded and outspoken person, not too talkative but I do say what I need to say.

I created this blog so that I can share my thoughts and wisdom with the whole world. Feel free to comment and lets talk about everything, and I mean everything that you would like us to talk about. Much luv, mcwaa